Ok Gazette Review & a love letter to my cast mates…

I read the review at 12:01 a.m. Wednesday morning. I saw the title and was immediately stoked:

Helen is watching TV. Tom is watching Helen. Photo by Victoria Stahl.

Fat Pig is heavy with top-notch acting, expert direction | OKG Scene.com

Uhm – WOW! And from Larry Laneer? That’s pretty remarkable.  As I continued to read I admit I became more uncomfortable.  I’m not used to adulation, nor do I know what to do with it.  As actors, we desire it – but the second it comes our way (in massive waves) we freeze like deer in headlights.  Even when all our friends are stoked and happy for us.

Jeff made me feel a 1,000 times better about the whole thing.  Top-notch acting is for everyone.  Expert direction is for Emily.  It didn’t need to be revisited, it was stated in big block letters on the top of the page.  I just got a little extra attention.  Plus, how would anyone notice that Carter is a jerk, Jeannie is neurotic and Tom is a wuss if Patton, Bonnie and Jeff didn’t bring it Friday night?  How can Helen not look awesome juxtaposed to them?

But I will take this opportunity to write a love letter to my cast mates, because I adore them. And because anything nice said about me in print this week is partly due to them. The other part is because I learned my lines… in order even…

Patton – Dude, you make it so easy to hate you which is interesting since you are so easy to like.  I’ve enjoyed watching your Carter grow. And I don’t mean that dirty…

Bonnie – I wish he could have seen your work Saturday. You had those people in the palm of your hand.  Your psycho, neurotic hand.

Jeff – I spend almost ALL of my stage time with you.  You and I have already spoken, so you know what I think, but I’ll say it again.  Thank you for your generosity.  You’ve worked so hard and I’m so proud that you’ve been to do this awesome job in the show and be able to juggle all the balls you have in the air.  I think you are wonderful – you make it very easy for Helen to fall in love with Tom.  So glad you said yes.

Ok, so that kinda sounded like I was trying to accept an award or something which is SO not the case or what I think. At all. Believe me – I’m not full of myself.  Besides, there isn’t enough room left to be full of myself after the slice of pizza I had for lunch.

But I am in earnest with my compliments.  What do you say we do it  again this weekend?

YOU GUYS ROCK!!!

I guess my only disappointment is that I didn’t get a “cute” thrown in for good measure… HA – just kidding…

Here is the review.  Hope you guys enjoy it.

?Fat Pig? is heavy with top-notch acting, expert direction | OKG Scene.com

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You Should Have Seen Your Face: Reactions to the title Fat Pig by Neil LaBute

No spoilers, so don’t worry…

Jeff Burleson & Cristela Carrizales as Tom & Helen in Neil LaBute's "Fat Pig." Photos by Victoria Stahl.

“I’m sorry.  You should have seen your face…”

It’s a line Helen says to Tom in the opening scene of Fat Pig.  And over and over again, I’ve thought the same rang true for almost everyone I’ve spoken to about the play.

How divisive and incendiary two little words can be.  And I admit, if those words were hurled in my real-life direction I don’t think I would be as excited about them as I am now.  Right now those words mean an extraordinary opportunity – playing a character as close to how I envision myself as ever before.

LaBute’s description of Helen is “bright, funny, sexy young woman who happens to be plus sized-and then some.” I see myself like that – at least the first two adjectives. And some days, I even feel kind of *gasp* sexy (which is definitely a gift of my 30’s).  But Helen also has major insecurities and many of those I undeniably share with her.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve enjoyed all the roles I’ve played.  But I’m not a beetle, an angel, a monkey, a pregnant Puerto Rican or an Italian Mafioso.  Ok, I’m a touch Charlotte Lucas. Well, perhaps more than a touch, but I digress.

These were fun – like stepping out on a playground.  In Taming of the Shrew I literally had no fear.  I walked out onstage and played every night like a kid with a new toy. It was fabulous.

In the last four shows I’ve done, I’ve played 14 different characters.  I like it – I’m good at it.  In fact, the last time I was only one character in a play was 2001 at the University of Iowa.  I portrayed a slightly demonic, acorn-shaped maraca shaking, disco-dancing, rice krispie treat munching squirrel. And yes, it was as fun as it sounded.

So when I got the call for Fat Pig I immediately started telling my friends about it.  One character?  And a HUMAN at that? And one whose story and motivations I completely understood? Maybe I could use all those “acting skills” I’m still paying for via student loans…

Upon hearing the title of this new endeavor, those who weren’t in the theatre community had an automatic response – shock.

Those I told via Facebook hated the title.  As my friends, they were glad that I was happy but completely offended at those two words and didn’t truly understand why I would be happy doing a show like that.  My mother’s response was, “I hate the title but I understand why you’d want to do it,” which is more than I can say for my aunt who was completely baffled by the notion.  As a side note, I have had to assure my mom (on more than one occasion) that I do NOT appear nude.

From those I spoke to face to face I got a response hard to explain – so I decided to video it instead:

Same was true for those I asked to put up the poster in their place of business. They’d look at smiling me in front of them, smiling me on the poster – then see (in bright, puffy, yellow print) “FAT PIG” and you could see it register.  My response, “It’s an awful title, but a really great play.”  This generally broke the tension, made them laugh and up it went.

In the beginning, I wondered how I’d feel hearing all those ugly words flying around about Helen.  I mean, I don’t think it’s a stretch or a shock that with a title like “Fat Pig” there would be more provocative language sprinkled throughout the play.  But what I found was that it wasn’t nearly as difficult for me to hear the words as it was for my cast mates to say them.

Bonnie apologized to me. I think three times. Patton admitted his discomfort. I assured everyone I was fine.  I knew Jeannie and Carter were saying horrid things about Helen not Bonnie and Patton about Cristela. In fact, the only time I felt the slightest tinge of “ouch” was once when Jeff made an off-handed comment about Helen. I know that Jeff would never have said the same thing about or to Cristela (I know he adores me far too much – I mean, who doesn’t :^), but for a split-second the line blurred for me and it stung.  Literally the next second I was fine and rolling my eyes.

I admit you can’t get that close to a character without some bleed over (unless you are playing a serial killer and then let’s just hope) but I didn’t want my fear of what I might feel keep me from being open and honest in the role.

I refuse to play it safe with Helen. I refuse to be shielded. It means something to me to allow my own vulnerability to come through.  When I was a senior in high school I asked that the adjective “tubby” be cut from a line in reference to my character. I appear in a bathing suit in this play.  I’ve come a long way.

Friday night a couple of people thanked me for telling the story their loved one’s experience.  Some congratulated me on my bravery.  But I don’t think I was the only brave one up there that night, regardless of what I was wearing.  It takes bravery to say those words like you mean it.  And I feel safe with those guys.

Don’t worry about me.  I’m just fine.

I’m Not Cool Enough For Fashion Week…

I know. As if that were EVER called into question. But it’s true. I look at the fashion and since I’m artsy, I understand the concept of “wearable art.” But I can’t help but look at some of it and giggle. I think, “Okay, now you are just trying to shock us here… I mean, come on…”

I wonder if the models look at it and say, “WTF?” because you know they won’t say, “Does this make my butt look big?” for fear that someone like me will throw a hamburger at them.

For example – I considered wearing this to work

But then I realized that my Mom always told me that polka dots and stripes don’t look good together. Oh, that and always wear pants to work. Or a skirt. Or something that covers you because not everyone wants to see your biznass…

Question:

When did satin/knit underwear become the height of fashion? I mean, I try to couple my Holly Hobby blouses with a nice pinafore, maybe an over sized bonnet – but a matching satin bra is good too.

And whoever would have guessed that Dumb Donald was a fashion icon ahead of his time? Don’t believe me – check it out:

I mean, I personally want to thank Narciso Rodriguez for finding the absolute genius in project-living, junk yard band playing, black kids from cartoons. Because I get my fashion sense from Rainbow Brite. I mean, that bitch has crazy style.

In closing, I’m going to get back on my diet so I can wear this, and learn to walk in those shoes:

Just try not to pay attention when I bend over… for your own good…

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming…