My cousin Laura. She's the only one who'll take a picture with me...
Okay, so I wondered what I was going to blog about this week. And then, I stumbled across two articles last week and it just fell in my lap…
CNN Commentary: Mexican-Americans have deep U.S. ties
Do I think he was being racist? No. I think he legitimately wanted to know about me. I know he didn’t consider his question (or more specifically the way he phrased it) as culturally insensitive, but it was… accidentally. And it happens all the time.
For example, if you are white or black, how often are you asked about your homeland? If you are Asian and immediately open your mouth with a perfect Oklahoma accent, no one assumes that you just arrived from Beijing. But when I open my mouth, sans an accent and with almost perfect grammar, there is still an assumption that perhaps 25 years ago I was selling chicle on a street corner in Piedras Negras.
The problem isn’t in the curiosity – it is in the assumption. The assumption that even though we say we are from the good ol’ USA, really we just jumped off a turnip truck to work the fields. That’s not the case. My family settled in that untamed country that was once Mexico and then became Texas. I had family fight in the Civil War (on the side of the Confederacy – how f’ed is that?).
So in the great words of comedian Paul Rodriguez, “We didn’t cross the border. The border crossed us.”
The unfortunate thing is, in a time when studies say we are raising the most color-blind generation in American history, these conversations are still needed. Because if you look at the “color conversation” in the United States, historically it’s been black and white. As if the rest of us weren’t here or worse – as if we were just a little too stupid to participate.
I admit that I used to be hyper-sensitive when it came to these issues. I’ve since chilled a bit and can take a joke (if it really is a good one), but I notice off-handed, culturally insensitive statements people make – especially when good people make dumb comments.
Bottom line is that we, Mexican-Americans (MAs) are different than Mexican-Nationals (MNs). And while we share certain cultural traditions and celebrations, our perspectives are very different. In fact (and here is a well known secret) Mexican-Americans and Mexican-Nationals tend to NOT LIKE EACH OTHER!
That’s right ladies and gentlemen – as a stereotype, we dislike each other. Now, this is a broad generality and there are always going to exceptions. For example, I have cousins that married wonderful, beautiful women from Mexico who I absolutely adore and would never think of like this for a second. But obviously, I’m not talking about them.
For the most part, MNs think that MAs are too-full-of-themselves wannabes who have turned their back on their culture and have a “better than thou” mentality. The reverse is also true. MAs think MNs are full-of-themselves users, completely delusional to believe that their home country is the land of milk and honey. And if they think that, why don’t they just go back?
Admittedly, I’m going to have far more in common with a Caucasian male who grew-up middle class than I am a Mexican-National. It’s just true. When I was in elementary school, I was one of maybe two dozen Latino students. Predominately white neighborhoods are my experience and if you tried to set me down in the middle of Oaxaca, I’d be able to order a beer and some tacos but I couldn’t find my way home. I’d be waaaaayyyy f’ed.
But don’t get me wrong. Don’t think because I’ve outed our dirty little secret that I’m going to get behind your enthusiasm for an expensive, useless wall. Because there is something else you may not have thought of. I CAN call my brother an asshole. You CANNOT call my brother an asshole. Sorry, it’s the rules. Hate it all you want.
After reading the second article, about the down trend in Latino names, I couldn’t help but think, “Duh, of course.”
With the current war on all things brown, why would you knowingly name a child something that might already make them discriminated against? I’m lucky. Cristela is a Latino name, but it’s unique so people find it melodic. People like unique.
But Josephina? Jose? Guadalupe, Esteban, Alberto, Esmerelda? Hmmm, probably not. And why? Because as Americans we are trained to think that all things European are more elegant, cultured, and worthy. Speak with a British accent and everything you say has a certain gravitas. If a Spanish accent comes out of a body like Penelope Cruz then it’s sexy.
But how sexy does the bus boy at your favorite restaurant sound to you? When you hear Mexican music blaring out the kitchen what are you thinking? What if your bus boy had the British accent and the waiter had the Spanish accent? What are you trained to think?
I bet you are wondering, “Have I been culturally insensitive?” Well, I’m going to give you a smattering of questions and/or statements and if you’ve said it – DING! You’ve been culturally insensitive.
Here we go:
- Upon hearing Mariachi music, you say “That music makes me hungry!”
- Uhm, are you suffering with some Pavlovian complex because if we knew it was that easy…
Mariachi music is important to us. It’s deeply woven into our DNA and we use it to celebrate weddings, holidays, special events or to mourn our loved ones once they pass. This is tear in your beer music that we learn to sing along with from birth. It wasn’t developed to accompany your enchiladas.
- Uhm, are you suffering with some Pavlovian complex because if we knew it was that easy…
- You are the whitest Mexican I’ve ever met.
- Depending on who this is coming from, it could be meant as an accusation or a compliment. If the first – want to get your ass kicked? Call me coconut. I can’t kick very high, but I’ll stand on a stool if I need to. If the second, you may want to sit down for this. It’s not a compliment. That isn’t what we strive for. I know, I know it’s a shock. But all we are really thinking is “Jeez, what do you think of Mexicans?”
- We are Mexican. The language is Spanish. No one speaks Mexican.
- Want to piss off a Cuban or Puerto Rican? Say they speak Mexican. Better yet:
- Assume I speak English.
- When I was younger (post-college but pre-grown up job with insurance) I had to go to a clinic my uncle’s law office hooked me up with. When I sat down with the doctor, he looked at his PA (who appeared to be from a Middle Eastern country) and said, “Does she speak English good enough to speak to me?”
I looked at him with surprise and asked, “Who me?”
“Yes.”
And looking him dead in the eye, I leaned forward ever so slightly and responded, “I speak English fluently.”
You could see the chill go up his back…
- When I was younger (post-college but pre-grown up job with insurance) I had to go to a clinic my uncle’s law office hooked me up with. When I sat down with the doctor, he looked at his PA (who appeared to be from a Middle Eastern country) and said, “Does she speak English good enough to speak to me?”
- We come in varying shades of brown…
- Spaniards are European. The rest of us descend from the indigenous people of Latin American countries. The Conquistadores landed in the Americas, then proceeded to rape, pillage and basically Spanish Inquisition everybody over here (because it all went so well for them in Europe). What does that mean? The Blondies and the Brownies (even some darker Brownies) got all mixed together and so we ended up being lovely shades of brown. Like varying levels of cream in your coffee. PLUS (and this may surprise some) we can even being varying shades of brown within our own families! In fact, your Mom can be light and you come out brown. Ask me how I know!!!
Where Were We? 